Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I have been all day. In fact, I don't remember the last time I wasn't tired. I work, and I come home to stressful situations, and I don't really sleep at night for more than a couple hours at a time. I stress about:
- the baby being healthy
- gaining too much weight
- Hubby's job situation
- living with my parents
- whatever drama is going on at the moment with various people in my life
And here's the thing... these are all completely valid things to stress about, I guess. I want to stay healthy, it's important that Hubby gets a job, and as much as we love my parents, we don't want to live with them forever. and interpersonal drama is never fun. High school and college are over, people.
However, it's all been piling up, and it all really came to a head today for me mentally. Work sucked. I woke up feeling crappy and flu-y, had to go to work early, and then got shafted by a big party that sat in my section forever, and then i gave somebody the wrong change and had to pay for it out of my tips, so I basically made 2/3 of what I should have. So of course, I had a crappy attitude from the beginning, and it just got worse.
I finally drove home, listening to angry music all the way, sat down and read for a little while, and felt sorry for myself. And then I felt a little mental nudge. A memory popped into my head of one of my tables yesterday.
A young man and woman came in, neither of them over thirty. Both were dressed very nicely; the man was handsome, and the woman was absolutely beautiful. Not physically, but...
She was obviously very ill, or was recovering from illness. Her skin was wan, her face tired, and she was attached to an oxygen pump, the kind you usually see carted around by 75 year old people with holes in their throats. But she had the most beautiful, warm smile of anyone I had ever met.Although it was obvious that she wasn't very strong, and was very tired, her and her companion lingered over lunch, having glasses of wine, savoring their appetizers, ordering expensive meals, and enjoying each other's company. They laughed together; he touched her hand tenderly and she leaned over to stroke his face; they tried each other's meals. She was generous and kind even though she was obviously physically struggling.
I think that dealing with these people,and having the memory pop into my head today, was God's way of nudging me into the realization that yes, things are stressful and crappy right now on a lot of fronts, and it's ok to realize that and be frustrated and stressed and tired-- but things could be so much worse. Michael and I are healthy. He has a few job opportunities that look like they might pan out. We have a place to live and people that love us. My pregnancy has been, in the words of my doctor, "remarkably healthy and low-risk". The attitude is really unneccecary and counter-productive.
We are blessed.
That's not to say that I won't spend the next couple of days trying to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. I don't have to work Thursday or Friday, so I fully intend on sleeping in, reading lots, and just relaxing and making a concerted effort to avoid anything that stresses me out. On that note, Friday should be interesting. Lots of really amusing family dynamics coming in to play, on top of which, Hubby and I have to make dinner for who knows how many people. But if nothing else, I will sit back, observe, and let the chaos happen around me. Eye of the storm.
On a side note, Dad's got a cold-fluish type thingy, so I'm staying away from him, but I think I might have a touch of it, so resting for the next couple days is not a bad thing at all. I keep forgetting I can't push as hard as I usually do. There's a little person floating around my insidey-parts that just does not care whether the laundry gets put away, or if I work an extra shift to pick up some more cash. He just isn't happy when Mommy isn't happy.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
However, lots of positive stuff has been happening. We went in for my 24-week checkup on Wednesday, and everything is right on track. Good weight gain, good measurements, no complications so far, knock on wood. So that day we also went and did our baby registries for the shower, which my mother is very generously throwing for us/ me/ Charlie Bean on the 28th of October.
(Dude. that's totally this month. Thanksgiving is next month. Christmas is the month after that. And then, a month after that, Charlie will be born. Insane.)
Speaking of registries, that was one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. Registering for the wedding was fun; that was all just gadgets and toys and upgrades and stuff that we didn't really need, but was fun to have. Registering for a baby... well, one, it makes it even more real. But also, you realize how much stuff this little person needs.
"Well, we definitely want to register for a breast pump."
"But then we need accessories for the pump."
"And bottles! ...Ohmygosh there are literally seventeen different brands of bottles."
"and we need more than one size of nipple....hehheh, nipple." (That was me... I have the mind of a 12 year old boy lately).
Ten minutes later:
"Where the heck are the diaper pails?!?"
"uh, do we need a high chair?"
"DIAPERS! Must. get. LOTS. of. diapers."
Notice how I totally thought about the diaper pail before the diapers? Yeah. Pregnancy brain.
On a completely unrelated note, there is only one thing that is EVER appropriate to say to a pregnant woman when you are talking to her about the physical manifestations of her pregnancy: "you look great/ beautiful/ wonderful/ SODAMNGOOD!"
- "Oh, you're hardly showing at all!" I'm 6 months pregnant. Don't freak me out about my baby not growing, please.
- "Oh, you're really big for six months!" Oh, you're really chubby for someone eating lasagna. Shut up. ( I had guests say both of the above things to me tonight... two consecutive tables that I was serving. Do I make comments on your food choices or your obnoxious tipping habits? Well...not to your face. And DON'T TOUCH MY BELLY!)
- "Are you sure you should be eating that?" That's between me, my doctor, and the parasite in my abdomen who is telling me that I must ABSOLUTELY have chocolate chips and garlic bread, along with a nice strip steak.
- "When I was pregnant, I never got sick!" Aren't you the lucky duck. Excuse me, I have to go impersonate Linda Blair.
OK, so maybe I'm a little... assertive.... tonight. Blame it on the hormones. (Every time I say "blame it on the...." now, my brain goes, "Blame it on the vodka, blame it on the henny, blame it on the blue tap got you feeling dizzy, blame it on the ah-ah-ah-alcohol, blame it on the ah-ah ah-ah ah-al-co-hol..." Damn you, Jamie Foxx!)
Of course, all of this (except the part about Jamie Foxx) was said much better by the wonderfully hilarious Assertagirl over at Aiming Low. If you haven't checked out Aiming Low, you need to. It's a fantastic group of hysterical (in more ways than one) female bloggers. It is my crack.